don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
