im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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