Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
