Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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