Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
