New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
