the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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