I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
