so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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