Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
