They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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