next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
