I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize