pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
