I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
