I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's blow job season.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
