my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
