ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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