I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
