Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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