Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
