I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize