We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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