Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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