he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
