so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
