do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
