Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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