Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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