i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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