Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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