I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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