I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
