I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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