Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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