Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
