Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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