apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
