Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize