i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
