i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no you cant smoke seaweed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
