my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
