It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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