I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
