Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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