so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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