Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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