Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
