my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize