my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
