i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
