Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
