My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
