You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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