Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
