Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
