Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
