I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
