I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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