OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just blew my weed a kiss
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
