so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Someone signed my nipple.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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