I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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