I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
