I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
