Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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