Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
