I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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