have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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