he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
