He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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