I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
