Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
