kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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