You're so nebulous sometimes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
