Dual....:-)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
