Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
