You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
