He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
