The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
