I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My dick has a subreddit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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