Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
