i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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