You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
