Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
