If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
