theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
