Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
