my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
