she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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