it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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