I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
