I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
