He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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