I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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