you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
