Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
