Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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