I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
