so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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