So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
