probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
