Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
