Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
