Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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